Subject: Seeking, Tue, 16 Feb 1999 15:59:11 -0600
From: "Weisberg, Andy" <aweisberg@trane.com>
To: 'Dan Winter'" <winter@primeline.com>
Dan -
I just re-read your article from '96, "The Physics of PHI", and thank
you
again for your work. I really can't tell you how exciting it is to have
a
language and form for that which I have only suspected and felt.
My story in the last Email that you were so kind as to put up on a link
from
your site was a weak but sincere attempt to put into words my
experience,
which I see as a psychological/emotional reflection of your eloquent
math
and geometry. The childhood revelation in my neighbor's bathroom,(which
is
only important because I had gone in to examine the contents of their
medicine cabinet and mix a few things into the toilet bowl --- ever the
consummate alchemist), was described in light of the "rush" or "tingle"
or
"chill" you mentioned in the referenced article I had just read. At that

point I was excited to see the direct emotional/psychological connection
to
the intellectual/conceptual physics of implosion, and to find a shared
experience in someone I had come to respect very much.
But in reviewing this article again I see it is more than just someone
else
feeling what I have felt and describing it in a unique way. The linking
of
the mathematical perfection of fractal embeddedness and planet taming
and
DNA and gravity and time and love IS what I felt in the now infamous
hand
gazing experiment.
The specifics were: I wasn't in the mood to look interested while my
parents
talked with our neighbors. I preferred to do some deductive reasoning
and
good old snooping around. I said I had to go to the bathroom. After some

very scientific exploration of the viscosity and blending properties of
various personal grooming substances in toilet water, I was moved to
just
sit and think. I remember starting to think about death, wondering what
might be like. My 7 or 8-year-old mind was trying to wrap itself around
both
the reality of it and the experience of it. I thought hard about
mortality,
in terms of the ending of flesh and bone, and tried to understand what
else
might happen. Not having a clearly defined model or even a firm opinion
on
the whole soul/heaven/hell thing, I thought I would act it out. (I just
now
realized that my career as an actor and teacher for over 15 years began
here, in my first attempt to ritualize death and reach understanding
through
self-created experience... putting myself in Death's shoes, as it
were...
the ultimate compassion... a pre-pubescent monkey boy breaching the
Schwartzshield and naively embarking upon inter-dimensional bardo
travel...
accessing the Threshold experience through play... too much!) I tried
falling down as if struck by a bullet, stabbed with a knife, poisoned,
and
just plain expiring. The variety of approaches didn't really help, but
the
experimentation was fun, and I got more and more into it. After hitting
the
floor several times and starting to wonder if I was making too much
noise, I
stopped and sat down, and ended up looking at my hand. I remember
thinking
about deterioration, age, withering, rotting, bone, and dust, and as I
looked deeply into my palm I had a surge of emotions and imagery around
gratitude; timelessness; infinite smallness and infinite largeness;
parents,
family, ancestors, and the blood of lineage; my own lifetime in a cycle
of
eons; and suddenly I had a flash of all of the above and more in a
tingling
of skin and a flood of tears and vision of a tunnel that went through
everything. That's the best I can describe it. It was over quickly, but
I
was breathless. I tried to recreate it but couldn't. It was too deep and

powerful to just jump back into.
It was several years, at least 10 or 12, before I would experience
something
like it again. On a beach in Florida, while looking long and hard at a
very
tiny shell that had worn half away, and after deeply embedding myself
into
its disappearing chambers I looked quickly out across the open ocean to
the
horizon. The abrupt jolt from infinitely small to unimaginably immense
shot
me into the experience I had with my hand. Again I tried to repeat the
performance, but it was the last time I would feel that particular
version
of ecstasy.
It is this experience that has inspired me to write to you again, as it
was
directly linked to the Golden Mean. The spiraling, chambered
Nautilus-like
shell gave way to the wave form ocean with all its depth and complexity
and
was without a doubt the catapult that launched my experience. It could
even
be argued that the Golden Mean ratios in my wrist/hand/finger or the
spiral
of my fist triggered the first experience. In any case, I am back to the

math and geometry and physics of your article that has given me a
framework
to understand those experiences in another way, in another language, and

with greater depth and meaning.
So I'm left with a desire to learn and develop the tools to get there
again.
Kundalini, Merkabah meditation, dream work, the Heartlink Monitor I hope
to
own soon, the pleasure of an ever-deepening intellectual
understanding...
all help. But I want more. How do you breathe fractally? I try to
breathe in
and out with a 13 count, then an 8 count, then a 5 count, then a 3
count,
then a 2 count, then a 1 count, and then I stop. The silence is
sometimes
wonderful. Sometimes. But that's because I can't figure out how to take
each
breath exactly .618 shorter. I want to experience PHI music. I want to
be
surrounded by PHI structures and consciously work in and through them. I

want to know the mechanics of compassion and actualize them every
moment. I
want to know why the pent star is placed within the sept star in the
Enochian symbol. I want to know the true history of my race, my planet
and
my universe. I'm hungry for this stuff.
Thanks for providing so much nourishment.
Andy
--